July 12, 1917
Tomorrow is Alice Penhallow’s wedding and I haven’t fixed my gown yet! I think I may have to just wear it with very little alterations...
I am much too distracted today, Helena. I have been since that ghastly night when Davy so apathetically announced Gilbert’s mortal suffering to typhoid fever. I could never, never forget that, Helena. It all seems like a horrid dream now but last week, it was harrowing reality to lose my dearest friend in the world. I can still see the creases on my bedcovers from my balled up fists, tight and sweaty, as I my head was buried under the pillow. My mattress was damp with tears and sweat rolled from my forehead. The air around me was hot and sticky but I did not want to open my window. I couldn’t bear to close my eyes and feel the breeze kiss my tears whilst Gil was in agony; his heart threatening to halt any moment.
That terrible ordeal brought to me my own Book of Revelation, however. It came as a surprise at first but after some thinking, I discovered that I think I knew it all along. I...I do love Gilbert. Very much. I have wished for a lot of things in the past but if only my eyes were opened, then maybe he might not have been leaving this world thinking I didn’t care for him. I laughed at and despised myself. To think that I had fancied myself in love with Roy when I knew what it felt like to be around Gilbert.
Gil is much better now, thank the Lord. Those moments I shan’t ever forget either. It was as if I had seen a fresh oasis for the first time after days of traveling across a dry, scorching desert. Life waved at me through the door and welcomed me back from the dark abyss. I had to be there with him. If he couldn’t return then why must I? I cannot begin to contemplate any sort of life without him. The thought of a Gilbert-less life frightens me.
I can’t help but wish I had accepted him. Never have I regretted anything like this. Gil has been exceedingly friendly since I visited him after the fever and I am glad our old comradeship is back in its place. Although what is he thinking? Christine has not been mentioned once...
Oh! What on earth was that...
Guess who’s hand threw the pebbles that just rapped on my window? You know, up to now, I still don’t understand how he does that without breaking the glass...
Well, I guess I’m off for a quick walk with Gilbert at Lover’s Lane before it gets dark. The maple leaves shimmer exquisitely under the lavender sky at twilight!
Anne
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